Dear Dylan (and Sarah),
Thanks for the letter you wrote to White House. Because you’re only nine years old it makes perfect sense that you don’t yet understand much about the presidency. I remember being a staunch fan of Richard Nixon at your age, because my mother was. At nine, I didn’t have any firsthand opinions about politics, so I trusted my mother’s judgment that Nixon had “only done what the rest of ‘em have done”. Now that I’m an adult and can use critical thinking skills to make my own determinations, I realize that I was mistakenly rooting for the villain at your age. Why an adult like Sarah Huckabee Sanders shares the political opinions of a 4th-grader, that’s a bit harder to explain. So I thought I’d answer a few of your questions to help you and Sarah understand what’s really going on.
You don’t understand why so many people don’t like Captain Covfefe, oops, sorry, I mean the president. Let’s start there, with my disrespectful name calling of him. That is actually a new thing in our country, this permission to be openly nasty and disrespectful and hostile to those you disagree with. You see, Dylan, all of our past presidents, no matter what their political beliefs, have followed certain rules of politeness and protocol. It’s one of the things that have prevented us from being one of those countries where they have violent take-overs of the government and constant turmoil. But Agent Orange has, oops, sorry, new habit, the president… has decided to tear up those rules of civility and respect, and so now we’re a nasty country where we’re trashing each other constantly and not listening to anything the opposing side says. Just like in the civil war days. We’re all now being rude like him. The president.
So why do so many people not like him? Well besides the nasty name-calling and rule-breaking, he’s surrounded himself by hateful idiots. (that’s not name-calling, that’s just a descriptor of the current administration that most of the world agrees with) This group includes racists like Steve Breitbart-Bannon and the beleaguered Attorney General Jeff I-left-my-klan-robes-at-the-door Sessions. Most Americans are upset that the president and his flying monkeys (that’s just a fun little Wizard of Oz reference for you, he doesn’t literally have flying monkeys) are lying about everything. For instance, he’s saying that he wants to help your parents with their health care, but it’s clear to most people that really he wants to eliminate it. He’s lying. Republicans are simply lying, Dylan. They are trying to take affordable health care away from you and your parents. Yes, even your Republican parents could lose their healthcare, even though they like him. He says he’s willing to let the healthcare system collapse, just to make his point. So don’t get sick, Dylan, and no broken bones out on the playground, okay? Because your new friend, the president, he won’t help you if you get hurt. Do you have a job yet, Dylan? Maybe you should see if you could get employer-covered health care from one of your neighbors by mowing lawns or something. Or you could pick up trash in the truck stop parking lot if the truck stop would cover your health care. Just something to consider as you go into the 5th grade.
People also don’t like your new pal, Dylan and Sarah, because of his lying about Russia. They’re the bad guys, Dylan. But he’s pretending like they’re the good guys. Your dad probably even agrees with him that Putin is fine, no big deal. But just like my mom was wrong about Nixon, your dad is wrong about Putin. That’s why you need to make good grades and learn to read and think critically. Google “Gaslighting”, Dylan. Because that’s probably why your parents like him and agree with him. They’re probably not complete fools, your parents, just good uninformed folks who are being “Gaslighted” by Colonel Cheetoh. Ooops, sorry, I mean, our president. See if you can get your TV off of Fox News when your parents are out of the room, that’s a good start to helping your mom and dad get real info. You could help Sarah with that too. It’s not really Fake News on all the other channels, Dylan. Tell your friends who are Boy Scouts, the news is real. If you really want to make a difference, Dylan, perhaps the best thing you can do is to read and watch and listen to what people all around the world are saying about him and his people in the White House and Congress and then share that with your friends and family. Tell all the people in your trailer park. Be the Paul Revere of REAL NEWS. You could change the world, Dylan, even at 9 years old, if you could convince the Republicans around you to listen to the respected leaders around the globe. And if it doesn’t work, Dylan, if your parents don’t believe that the majority of Americans understand something they don’t… then try the president’s method of sending a tweet about how stupid your parents are. Maybe even accuse them of abusing you, that might get some attention. Do whatever you have to do to get attention, like the president does. Do you have Twitter? Of course you do, you’re young. Just find a McDonald’s near your home where they have access to the internet, and attack all your friends and enemies on Twitter like he does and see how it works for you. It’s worked so well for him, as your daddy probably likes to point out.
Those are just a few of the reasons people don’t like your new friend (and your new boss, Sarah). Along with the dismantling of our Government, the business corruption, the pitting of Americans against each other, the blatant disregard for the law, the unraveling of civil norms, the loss of our position as the leader of the free world, the wanton discrimination… along with these things, Dylan, there are many other reasons to hate this president. And when you’re older, and you can think for yourself a little better, you just may understand some of them. And when that day comes, you’ll understand why your parents felt the way they did during that year when he was president, and why you repeated their feelings. And you’ll understand too, why at the end of that year, your new friend was impeached.