One Moron Thing About Stupid


So one more thing about Stupid. I’ve heard from a few readers that I went too far in calling Trump voters stupid. And after giving it some thought I realized that rather than modeling our Covfefe-in-chief’s behavior of name calling, I should have instead relied on the more refined language attributed to our Secretary of State when he recently referred to Captain Cheetoh as a Moron. Yes moron is definitely more appropriate language and it more completely describes him, and many of those who support him.

Being stupid seems hopeless, somehow. I mean that’s a big hurdle to overcome. If you’re just plain stupid, how are you ever gonna get around that? But being a moron somehow seems conditional. I’m sure uncle Rex just thinks Trump is moronic about nuclear weapons while thinking he’s very smart about other things like… well many, many, other things, I assure you. Tillerson wouldn’t keep working for him if he thought Trump to be a total moron, would he? No. Of course not. So calling someone a moron, I deduce from the Secretary of State, is actually much nicer than calling someone stupid, which is just plain rude.

Now the good news is that the stupid people who voted to Make America Great Again don’t know the difference between these terms. And while they don’t like being called a moron or stupid, the first syllable of Moron is MORE, which stupid people like. They want more of most things; more flag salutes, more prisons, more wars with more terrorists, more of Sarah Huckabee Sanders insulting the press. There are only two things Morons don’t want more of; political correctness and regulations. They don’t know why they hate these two things, but they know that they are bad. Everything else though, they want more of. So to be a moron is not so bad because it sounds like you have more.

And now that our distinguished Secretary of State has said aloud what so many have thought, that Trump is a “fucking moron”, those who believe him to be so smart will want to be whatever he is, even a moron. So if you were offended by my previous piece about stupid people who are complicit in supporting him, relax, you’re not stupid at all, you’re just a moron, which is like being stupid, only less often. It’s like partial stupidity, but more precisely focused. If stupid is a condition, think of being a moron as having a skill. It’s a stupid skill, but hey, a skill is a skill if you’re an out-of-work coal miner, right?

If you’re still not sure whether you’re just stupid or you’re a moron, then here’s a simple 2 point test.

  1. If you think that Trump eliminating the ACA subsidies will lower your health care costs, then yes, you are indeed a moron.
  2. If you believe him when he says the Iran nuclear deal is bad for the U.S., even while every credible global nuclear expert says it’s a smart deal for the U.S. and our allies, then you’re a stupid moron.

If you answered yes to either of those, there’s good news. The bar has now been lowered for morons everywhere and if you fall into that category there is much to celebrate. Someday, with your skills, you could be President of the United States.


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