One Stupid Resolution


I have but one single New Year’s resolution for 2018. I resolve to stop calling Trump supporters stupid. Many of them are very fine people. For morons, that is. But just because they’re idiots, it’s not good form to call anyone stupid. I know better than that. I work with lots of teachers and any kindergarten teacher will tell you that they teach all kids not to call other kids names. And btw, any kindergartener could tell you that Trump is stupid, if that kinder were allowed to use the S-word. Yup, a 5-year old is smarter than that orange fool. But still, it is not helping anything to point that out, even if it’s true. So that’s why I’m gonna stop it this year. No more name calling. It just makes everybody mad. Especially the idiots who think he’s smart. And who think that they are indeed smart enough to vote, which they are not. Legally entitled yes, but actually intelligent enough to vote, no.

Nobody likes to be called stupid or racist. Even racists don’t like to be called dumb. Those tiki-torch fools in Charlottesville, they don’t mind being called racist, but tell them they’re stupid and they’ll… grab their backyard party torches from the corner of the patio where they’re stored behind that propane grill they got for Father’s Day and fill them with that green mosquito repellant tiki-torch fluid and comb their hair up all nice so they don’t look like your garden variety trailer trash white supremacists, and they’ll march in straight lines right in front of the TV cameras. That’s what! That’s how mad they’ll get if you tell them how stupid they are. So that’s why I’m giving up pointing out their stupidity in 2018. Don’t want to get Earl all flustered and make him drop his tiki. Hell they cost nearly $10 each, those cute little bamboo tiki-torches. And that aforementioned scented tiki-fuel ain’t cheap either.

As for the rank and file Republicans, there’s no need to call them stupid from now on. They’re entitled to their opinions. Even though their opinion that this Moron would somehow make America great again was sooooo extremely stupid. Hillbilly stupid. And even though they proved how stupid they are by voting for Captain Covfefe and then for defending his ridiculousness this past year while he got people killed here and abroad with his lunacy. They’re too stupid to listen to experts on climate change, nuclear proliferation, healthcare, or foreign policy. They’re too stupid to care what foreign leaders from around the world think of our insane tactics. They can’t see that he’s destroying our democracy because they’re… let’s just say “interesting”. Yes, let’s say Republicans aren’t stupid, they’re “interesting”. It really doesn’t fit very well as a descriptor, which is perfect because they’re too stupid to know that and they’ll be flattered because nobody ever calls most Republicans interesting. That’s because they’re stupid. But I’m not gonna call them that in the new year. But ‘til then…


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