Trump Bans Words, Again

Tuesday Sept. 11, 2018, 7:31pm, EST

Washington D.C. – President Trump announced in a tweet late Tuesday that he is banning more words. He began banning specific words several months ago, although there is no indication of how those words have actually been banned since they are all still being used and since the powers of the president do not include the power to ban words. In fact, his banning of words has led to an increase of internet searches for the very words Trump has announced as “banned”, said officials at Google.

The President tweeted Tuesday evening, “Too many lies by the fake newsman Bob Woodward. Leaves me no choice but to ban the words he’s using to lie about me.” Among the words Trump is now “banning” are: Woodward, Bob, Robert, Roberto, Mueller, Post, Washington, collusion (because there IS NO collusion), corroborated, plea deal, Cohon, flip, flipper, dolphins, deposition, deposit, depose, perjury (because it’s all just a perjury trap), jury, jewelry, psycho, narcissist, moron, idiot, lodestone, resistance, New, York, Times.

“Woodward is a showboater who lies about everything.” Trump said on Tuesday morning. “I would have loved to have talked with him, I told him this, and he recorded me, and I said go right ahead cuz that’s what they do, the left, to try to catch me saying something, anything. But it’s fine because everyone knows that Bob Woodward has had a very sad career and has nothing whatsoever to show for it.” When a reporter asked if he knew about Woodward’s contribution to Watergate, he said, “It’s a very shabby building, The Watergate. There’s no water and there’s no gates. What a rip off of a building. Figures Woodward would build something like that.”