Trump: Rename Notre Dame

Washington, D.C. Wed April 17, 2019.    Less than 48 hours after the world watched in tears as the famed Notre Dame Cathedral burned in Paris, U.S. President Donald Trump has offered to personally pay to rebuild the beloved global monument, on one condition. That is the problem, according to French Interior Minister, Christophe Cantaner. “His offer depends upon the renaming of Notre Dame. It’s conceited. It’s impossible.  It’s gauche.  It’s beyond stupid.” said Cantaner Wednesday morning when asked about the offer after touring the iconic Cathedral’s damage.

Just hours earlier Trump had told reporters at the White House… “Look, I myself will pay for the rebuilding of the Cathedral of Notre Dame, and maybe if I did that, my friend Macron, he’s little but he’s smart, so smart he married his teacher, a cougar, much older than he is. He’s my friend, admires me very much. He gives a great parade. Military parade.  Maybe if I pay to rebuild it, maybe Macron will name it after me. That’d be nice, don’t ya think?  Trump Towers Paris, because there are still several towers left.  More than one.  So it’s gotta be Towers with an S.” 

French President Emmanuel Macron smiled when asked if he was taking Trump’s offer seriously, saying “Notre Dame will be rebuilt by the French.  It belongs to France, and only we can rebuild it.” When pressed by reporters for further comment the French President replied, “There will be no renaming of Notre Dame. Not on my watch. Not ever.”

Trump said in an Oval Office press gaggle that he’d pay for the new Notre Dame walls… “if they’d make the new walls out of see-thru steel slats. We’ve already got bids on those from San Diego and I can make that happen so fast, walls even Californians would love. We need to make sure no immigrants get in there and start more fires. Here it’s the Mexicans we worry about, there it’s the Syrians and Africans. But they really should put my name on it too, if I were going to pay for it, don’t ya think?”

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