The State of His Mind

State of the Union address in Washington
Reuters

The State of the Union surprised no one. Even with the administration’s hollow call for unity prior to the speech, nobody with any common sense whatsoever thought for even one moment that the orange one was capable of taking the high road. Divisiveness is in his DNA. Unity is not.

But what if…? Can you imagine if his SOTU speech actually surprised the world? What if he would have stood there in the House chamber and done something he has never been able to do in his first two years in the White House? What if he truly brought us together? The majority of us fully understand that he is an utter fool who is incapable of bringing us together, even if he sincerely tried. He cannot put his own narcissism behind the needs of the country no matter how hard he tries. He’s sick. And stupid. That’s why he has never surprised us once by demonstrating this ability. And he never will. And to those who remain optimistic that he will someday somehow bring us all together, I have some swampland to sell you.

But just imagine what it would be like if some miracle occurred and he said… the truth. Gulp! Gasp! Imagine how the heads of most Americans would explode if he apologized deeply for the divisive meanness of his first two years in office. What if he admitted that the “birther” nonsense was nothing more than a dog-whistle to rile up the racist wing of the Republican party? What if he admitted that Hillary IS NOT a criminal? What if he admitted that The Wall was merely a red-meat slogan for the uneducated voters in his base? What if he admitted that he knowingly and wittingly harmed thousands of Central American children and families simply for political purposes? What if he just said, it is true that we worked with Russia a little bit, not to undermine our national security but simply to win? What if he said he regretted ruining our judicial system by putting unqualified judges on the bench? What if he admitted that McConnell’s refusal to hold Supreme Court nomination hearings for Obama’s nominee was indeed unconstitutional? What if he acknowledged that he shoved frat boy Kavanaugh down the throats of our grandchildren? What if he explained that his conscience was keeping him up at night? What if he dropped all the crap and we saw a rational thinking human being under all that make-up for the first time? What if…?

Imagine how horrible that would be for the sane people. Imagine how very c o n f u s e d and disoriented millions of us would be if he told the truth and had integrity. The entire world would be absolutely slack-jawed. We’d be suspicious at first and would disbelieve it. “It’s a trick.”, liberals would sputter. “We’re not falling for that!” Dems would be so completely off balance, they’d fall off Capitol Hill. The internet would explode, literally. The pages of Indivisible guides everywhere would spontaneously combust. The United Nations with all their speeches would be rendered speechless. It would be terrible for the left if Trump turned out to be a good person. No worries, lefties. He’s not. And he never will be. It’s not in his DNA.

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Trump Pardons Cohen

Breaking News graphic

Washington D.C. – Tues, Jan 22, 2019, 8:40am EST         BuzzFeed reported early Tuesday that President Trump has offered a pardon to his former attorney, Michael Cohen. BuzzFeed could not confirm its own report but said that a senior Trump administration official familiar with the situation confirms that Mr. Cohen was indeed offered a presidential pardon late Monday and was informed that he could pick it up at the Saudi consulate in NYC as early as Tuesday morning.

Cohen’s attorney, Lanny Davis, declined to send Mr. Cohen to the Saudi consulate citing fears of dismemberment of his client, but expressed Cohen’s interest in meeting with administration officials at the White House. Trump administration officials first agreed to host Cohen at the White House, but then reversed course early Tuesday morning for what the administration called “scheduling reasons”, and proposed to move the meeting to the Saudi Embassy in Washington, D.C.

Mr. Davis said on CNN early Tuesday “I will never send Michael to any Saudi consulate. Why? Well, because they murdered a Washington Post journalist in the Saudi consulate in Turkey, for God’s sake!” Davis then said that for Cohen’s safety, he would only agree to meet with administration officials in the Oval Office. Advisor to the President, Stephen Miller, tweeted minutes later, “Why not? We need to repaint the Oval Office anyway.”

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

picket-fence

There is a simple solution to this ridiculous government shutdown. It will save us tons of money and best of all, it will please everybody; conservatives and liberals alike. Even Mexico will love this solution. Okay, here ‘tis. Instead of a wall along the southern border, let’s build… wait for it… a picket fence. That’s right. A 2000-mile white picket fence. With flowers. Everyone will love it.

Republicans will love it because to them, nothing says “white people live here” like a white picket fence. Lee Greenwood will come to the fence every 4th of July and sing to them they will chant “Lock It Up!” and republicans will ceremoniously place an oversized lock on the gate just for the cameras. It’ll become an annual thing, like the guys in top hats on groundhog day. The Trump wingnuts will be okay with it as long as we tell them we’re only building gates into the fence at a few armed checkpoints. Although Republicans will argue for it to be taller than 3 feet, they will prefer it to a huge concrete or steel wall when we explain to them that the pointed pickets will act like barbed wire. Once they get that image in their heads of Central American children impaled on the picket fence, they’ll love it more than talk radio. And by keeping it at 3 feet, we’ll explain to them, we’ll save billions of dollars, which they can then give to their billionaire friends in their next immoral tax-cut. And now when Republicans dump out the water jugs left by non-profits to save the lives of desperate immigrants in the desert, they won’t just be killing innocents, they’ll be watering our flowers at the same time. Sweet.

The liberals will love it because nothing says “bienvenidos” to our friends across the border like a white picket fence. It’s friendly and classy, yet casual and not stuffy. Liberals want everyone to feel welcome. In fact, once liberals get behind this concept, they will insist on a white picket fence not only on the Southern border but along the entire Northern border too, before the Canadians think of it. Yes, even Canadians will like a nice little picket fence along the pristine Northern border because they too adore quaint. And these days, our friends to the North mostly want a fence to keep Americans out.

Millennials and progressives will hate it at first, because they will see a picket fence as a symbol of the billionaire 1%. Because of their student loans, they know they will never be able to own a house with a picket fence, which is totally fine because they prefer urban loft living anyway, near a metro line and trendy restaurants with no signs and those modern light bulbs that look old fashioned. BUT still, secretly they will love this picket fence idea because knowing that they can’t have it, means they’re missing out and FOMA (fear of missing out) is a real thing for millennials and it’ll drive them crazy. That fear of missing out will make them want picket fences even more than skinny jeans.

The LGBTQ community, which hates the wall idea because they are all about inclusivity, will embrace the picket fence as long as we plant lush flowers around it. Everyone knows that if you’re gay, you have to love flowers. And Judy Garland. And cakes. Gay people buy a lot of wedding cakes, it seems. The LGBTQ community is educated and thus, they fully understand that neither a fence nor a wall will keep people from coming to America. So given the choice between two bad decisions, they’ll choose the most stylish one because nobody has a better design eye than the Queer Eye.

Corporate America will also love a picket fence. Anyone who has ever had a picket fence knows that even a single-family-home-sized picket fence takes as much touch-up paint annually as would an aircraft carrier. That’s good for paint sales. And nails, and spools of weed whacker line. With a 2000-mile picket fence, even Apple and Google will consider getting into the weed whacker business as that’s where the real money will be.

Mexico will love it mainly because a picket fence is just so neighborly. It’ll make them want to come over to borrow a cup of azúcar. Everyone knows that if you have a storybook picket fence, you also have a gardener who trims around it. And in America, that means hiring a Mexican gardener. Imagine how many Mexican gardeners we would need to employ to trim the weeds around a 2000-mile long picket fence. Thousands of Mexican jobs.

So let’s scratch this awful wall idea and start talking real. A dainty little picket fence will make all of our immigration problems go away. It’s that simple.

You Know

penciltest

 

If you don’t know what you need to know by now… then you probably haven’t been paying attention. Yes, the Moron-in-chief, the Russians, and FOX “so-called-news” have worked mightily to confuse us, and they’ve managed to do a great job with about one third or maybe even one half of us Americans. But even with all the smoke, all the lies, all the deception… we all know the truth. Even the stupid people know what they need to know at this point.

There’s a point when you have to just trust what you know. You have crammed for the test and now you’re sitting there with your number two pencil and it’s time. There’s no more studying. It’s time to trust what you know.

And even if you believe the mind-numbing nonsense on FOX, and you don’t really know for yourself if the tax cuts were good for you since you’re not a millionaire, you still know if you thought it was smart. You know what your side wants you to know. And even if you don’t fully understand it yourself, you know if you’re generally happy about tax cuts. Even the most uneducated voters in American know which side they’re on, even if they’re not totally sure what their side stands for specifically.

It’s been two years. That’s why we all know. You know enough. You know enough to know if you like this, if this is all okay with you, or not. You know if you’re generally happy with the direction of our country or if you think we’re in crisis. No matter if you’re liberal or conservative, you know by now. It really is a matter of conscience and values. This time, it’s about who we are. Plain and simple. You may not know about all of the convoluted ballot initiatives, but you know how you feel about where we are. About where America is today. About who America has become. You know. So sharpen your number two. Today is the day to declare what you know.

Midterm Report Card

report card

We all know what grade the president gives himself…on everything; an A+. He’s told us so. Shocking for the world’s biggest narcissist, eh? An A+ for bringing us the screaming judge Kavanaugh, an A+ for the bang-up job we did in Puerto Rico, an A+ for the tax cut for millionaires that drove our deficit through the roof, an A+ for his speech at the UN where they were laughing with him, not at him. Uh, right. Talk about grading on a crazy curve.

Well it’s midterms, so it’s time for a real report card. The Moron in Chief gets an F, pure and simple. He gets an F for intentionally dividing the country. Quite intentionally. He gets failing grades for the daily lying, for the stupidity, and for the harm he’s brought to our people, to our rule of law, and to our global standing. Let’s make that an F-.

Congress also gets an F overall. They’ve been cowardly and complicit in this madness for 2 years. Especially the Republicans. F-. Shame on them. Seriously. Shame. Jeff Flake gets a D. He almost stood up, for a minute. McCain gets a B, but only because he died. Were he living, he probably would have voted for Kavanaugh too. Collins gets a D because she has taken courageous votes before, even if not this time when women needed her most. Ryan gets an F for his cowardice and for his raising of the deficit. McConnell gets an F from the entire world. There is no bigger hypocrite. He’s hurt us all for decades. What an awful man. Maybe he should even get a G or a G-.

On the left of the aisle, let’s start at the top with Chuck and Nancy; D’s for both of them. Chuck and Nancy have been 90% ineffectual. They’ve been bringing a knife to a gunfight every single day for over 600 days now. And that’s not even counting that they let McConnell get away with not holding hearings for Obama’s Supreme Court nominee during his final year in office. True, the minority has little power, but the Republicans manage to shut down the government when they’re in the minority. They use every lever, and win. If ever there was a time to pull out all the stops, it is now, while we’re watching our rule of law be completely dismantled. But all Chuck and Nancy seem to know is the old way, which has been rendered useless by Trump and his flying monkeys.

Hillary gets a D too. She sticks her head out long enough to rile up the crazies then goes back into hiding. Obama gets a B. He earns an A+ every time he speaks because he is a brilliant and honorable man. But he gets a B overall, because we need him out there more, speaking sense to the world. Come on Barry, get out on the stump more often and get the A you deserve. The only A on the Democratic side of the aisle is Heidi Heitkamp, who voted her conscience on Kavanaugh in a ruby red state, which will likely cost her seat. She’s the only Profile in Courage in the entire Congress.

What grade do we voters deserve? Every single Republican voter in America except for former Republican Strategist Steve Schmidt and former FL Congressman David Jolly gets an F. If you were a Republican in 2016, even if you didn’t vote for Trump, you deserve an F. That’s because if you have stayed in this horrific party, and thus you are complicit. Jolly and Schmidt are the only two Republicans that I know of who have left the Republican party because they just can’t look their kids in the eye and justify that they’re affiliated with these deplorable, yes deplorable, people. Every single Republican is culpable and deserves an F-. If you really disagree with the horrible things this administration stands for, then leave that party. Go Green, Libertarian, Independent, whatever, but to keep that R by your name means that you’re complicit, because you’re letting them do it all in your name.

Democratic voters get only one grade higher, simply for having the ability to understand what’s going on. They haven’t done anything about it, but they at least understand the stakes. But Dems only deserve a D, because mostly liberals have turned away from the horror to whistle past the graveyard while watching cute animal videos on their expensive phones. Liberals are so upset…that they’ve just had to…mostly disengage… except for three big days of marches, which felt really good and we all wore hats. Liberals’ decision to mostly just not talk about it has further emboldened this administration of liars and thieves and the uneducated panting chanting crowds that think they’re making America great.

Our free press gets a C overall. The Washington Post and NY Times have deservingly earned A’s in the form of Pulitzer Prizes for their investigative work in highlighting a few of the outrages of this hideous administration, while FOX, on the other end of the spectrum, has continued to throw gasoline on the fire every day and keep America divided. Our press has persisted, even if the liberals aren’t listening and the conservatives don’t care. They haven’t managed to stop the hemorrhage, as did Woodward and Bernstein with Nixon, but that’s because of the times we live in. Facebook, not exactly news media, has become the news media whether they or we like it or not, and they get a D-. They literally helped the Trump campaign navigate FB in the election. They did nothing about the millions of Russian emails sent to Americans even while they were paid in rubles and then were less than candid about it all. They are complicit too. And Twitter gets only one character for being the platform dictators choose; F.

Finally, let’s grade our education system. We are, after all, one of the richest and most powerful countries on earth, yet 1/3 of Americans are utterly clueless about whether the Russians are our friend or our foe. 1/3 of us can’t even comprehend who the bad guys are. We are a nation of idiots. Texas teaches students that God made them, as it says in the bible, rather than teaching the scientific theory of evolution. Our education system, especially in the south, is terrible. If you’re not sure, just look at where we are today. Just look at our idiotic national discourse. It’s not just mean, it’s stupid. Betsy De Vos is in charge of our schools. Betsy deer-in-headlights De Vos. Enough said.

So let’s study up, America. Time to cram for our midterms. Let’s get these grades up. We can do better. Much better. Our next test is November 6th.

 

Your Crystal Ball

 crystal ball

We Americans have lost our ability to think critically, to assess, to weigh things. At least 1/3 of us have. Over these past 3 years about 70 million of us have lost the ability to discern truth from lies. Even silly lies, when said by Trump, can now fool millions of Americans. Trump said that George Soros paid for “the caravan”, which is silly to anyone with more brains than a scarecrow. But then a crazed Trump voter ran out and tried to kill Soros with a bomb. Some people are not smart enough to reason. We are still debating daily whether Trump is a blatant filthy liar or if he merely said something that was not technically true. Why are we still debating this?

It shouldn’t take a crystal ball to see what’s going on in America. It is pretty simple. And well documented. When Clinton was president, Newt Gingrich convinced Republicans to get nasty, to use war-like terms to dehumanize Democrats, to set civility aside and become brutal. And they did. Bit by bit, over the past 3 decades. FOX News was created to ‘balance’ things out for conservatives. Trent Lott breaking the longstanding “Water’s Edge Rule” was part of that movement. Impeaching Clinton for having an affair was part of that, even while Gingrich was, uh, having an affair. Manipulating the Florida vote count process was part of that movement. Karl Rove using gay rights as a wedge issue to get W. reelected was part of it. McConnell’s vow to make Obama a one-term president, then to ignore our Constitution and deny Obama a Supreme Court nomination process was a big part of this movement. Republicans have become the party that white supremacists support in 2018. Republicans are supporting a president that is authoritarian in desire, who divides us intentionally, who ignores the rule of law, and who is leading a band of liars and thieves like we’ve never seen in any administration. That’s what’s going on. And 1/3 of Americans don’t understand it because they’re undereducated, and because they are being gaslighted daily. By Trump and by FOX. Pretty simple.

Because so many of us are currently challenged in our ability to reason, here’s a look into a Crystal Ball for some much needed clarity. Here are the very simple (and obvious to most of us) answers to many of the political questions people are wondering about:

  • Will Trump fire Mueller? Not exactly, but he’ll interfere with the investigation by firing Rosenstein after the election, just as Republicans were caught on tape acknowledging to donors.
  • Will Mueller find any smoking guns that bring down Trump? No, because whatever Mueller finally concludes, no matter how damning it is, will be ignored by Trump and Republicans. Nothing to see here folks, just like we said all along, no collusion, it was all a hoax. So in the end, nothing will come of the Mueller investigation because Republicans will ignore it and Dems will do nothing but scream. 
  • Will Trump testify before Mueller? No, he will ignore any subpoenas, just like he ignored making his tax returns public. And Republicans will stand by him, as they have for 2 years.
  • Will he fire Sessions? Yes, after the election, just as he’s hinted.
  • Will he tone down his rhetoric after the mail bombs and massacre in Pittsburgh? No, he won’t. He doesn’t care.
  • Will he really get tough with the Saudi’s for killing the Washington Post journalist? He’ll do some small gesture like expelling the Saudi ambassador, but no, he’ll take no serious steps against them because they threw him a nice party.
  • If Dems take the House, will they Impeach Trump? No, Dems don’t have the stomach. They’re too nice. And Dems are divided about whether to be tough or nice. Only half of them had the nerve to walk out of the sham Kavanaugh hearing. Just endless hearings that everyone will tire of. Even C-span will stop watching. But no impeachment.
  • Will Dems at least overturn every single Obama-era Executive Order and regulation that Trump has reversed? No, they won’t even have the nerve to do that. They’ll instead reach out to be conciliatory to the MAGA crowd. That’s what we liberals do.
  • Will more innocent people die as a result of Trump’s rhetoric? Sadly, yes.
  • Even with the benefit of a crystal ball, will a single Trump voter ever be convinced of the truth? Nope. Not a 1. 

Trump Blames Kathy Griffin for Saudi Murder

Breaking News graphic

WASHINGTON – Oct.17, 2018, 7:43am, EST       In a wide-ranging tweet-storm early Wednesday morning, President Trump attacked Stormy Daniels as a “horseface” and accused comedienne Kathy Griffin of murdering and dismembering a Saudi-born American-based journalist inside the Saudi consulate in Turkey.

Trump tweeted, “I’m just saying, that if you’re talking about cutting people up, nobody knows how to do that better than that loser Kathy Griffin. She did it to me, and I’ve got the photo to prove it. There’s proof of this one.”, referring to the controversial photo of Griffin holding a fake severed head that resembled Trump. The photo outraged Republicans and led to the firing of Griffin by CNN as host of CNN’s annual New Year’s Eve coverage.

Responding to shouted questions by reporters following a morning rose garden reception for OPEC, Trump said, “You’re saying it’s not real… about Griffin, but I don’t know. That head looks a lot like me, except the hair. My hair is much better than that. But you don’t know. I don’t know if it’s real. Looks real. So could be real.”

Kathy_Griffin2
the controversial photo of Griffin that enraged Republicans and got her fired from CNN

The president got a laugh from the press pool in an exchange broadcast live on MSNBC, when an AP reporter pointed out that he had clearly not been decapitated by Griffin because he was standing there in front of them, and he replied “How do you know?” After the group of reporters burst into spontaneous laughter, Trump smiled and turned to the FOX camera saying, “Oh look, they’re laughing with me, not at me. Just like the UN. With me.”

When asked if he believed the Saudi Crown Prince in his denial of any involvement, even while men from his personal security detail have been identified among the alleged killers in the consulate, Trump said, “He’s denied it. Strongly. And Griffin has not, and you have to ask yourself why not, if she didn’t do it? Why would she keep quiet if she’s innocent. If she has no blood on her hands? She could be like a real life Dexter. I don’t know. Does she have a basement? Has anybody checked Kathy Griffin’s basement, because I would not be surprised to find the real chop shop down there. Why are we not checking her basement? Maybe your Washington Post journalist is down there in her basement, or whatever’s left of him, after she got her hands on him. CNN was right to fire her.”